Vakiotyö, elämä ja yhteiskunta, stand-up koomikon näkökulmasta (engl.)

They're about to start piss-testing for adrenaline in the workplace. That's how sad this country has gotten. Shaking your urine in front of you... "Is that yours, Donnie? It looks a little cloudy. Have you been having fun on the weekend? Are we not enough fun for you at the Verizon Wireless Family. I don't think you're a teamplayer."



Everyone's taking pills just because they're afraid of standing out. I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had "an interesting and unique personality trait". But then he told me about new Zoloft and Prozac. I just take three pills a day and I blend into this horrible inbred corporate landscape, and I don't care. They'll legalize any drug so long as that drug keeps you producing. That's all they give a shit about - it's production. You're kicking out boxes at a plant? Well, whatever keeps you doing that. Keeps you vaguely content, sitting in a cubicle. Go ahead, FDA approved.



"I have a job alphabetizing insurance forms 45 hours a week and I noticed I couldn't concentrate so well on my job, so my doctor put me on Adderall, and now I can just breeze through my workday. I don't even notice that my empty life is being pissed away underneath fluorescent tubes. I have no highs or lows. I have no good stories. But I'm getting a lot of stuff done. I'm probably the most boring person I know, but look at me produce! I just go ABCDEFG..."



You don't take a pill for that! You're not concentrating because that's fucking boring and that's a natural reaction. It's boring. Don't concentrate. Find another way of making a living. You got bills to pay... pile that shit... find some--- suck a dick! I'm talking to you in particular. Spin around the brass pole a few times. Say you saw Virgin Mary on a grilled cheese sandwich and sell that shit on Ebay. There's a grift in the system. There's always a scam. You don't have to do it just because your guidance councelor said you'd excel at it. Just gotta make sure you produce. At least black people knew when they were slaves. You remain clueless.



Hard work is fine if it's a work of passion, but just to work hard to buy shit to impress people... you're a fucking loser. An empty vessel. If it's hard work that you do for free. If it's a work of passion that you do. If you're learning how to play the acoustic guitar, or you're trying to find my prostate when we're on ecstasy. That's a work of passion. Sure, go. Dig in, root around, you know.



"You worked hard to get where you are!"

"No I didn't."



I drank, smoked and did drugs to get where I'm at. I'm not glorifying shit but it really is responsible for where I'm at. I haven't ever tried very hard. I'm here because drugs expanded my imagination and made me think outside reality and cigarettes gave me the patience to write those dots down in a comedy-friendly format that you can understand, and the alcohol gives me the courage to stand up here in front of you judgemental pricks. I didn't want to try hard for this show because I didn't want to send the wrong message to the kids, who might watching at home. Don't fucking work hard. Dummy, you die at the end, didn't anyone tell you?

Tämä on vakava yhteiskunnallinen ongelma.

siitä, että päihteiden käyttö on täysin aliarvostettua nyky-yhteiskunnassa. MIten moni jaksaisi käydä töissä jos ei perjantaina saisi vetää lärvejä? Useimpien elämä on liian tylsää elettäväksi selvin päin.

mutta hyödyistä ei ikinä puhuta mitään.