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The New York Times recently told the story of a 34-year-old woman who discovered that her husband—a minister—had an online porn habit. “How can I compete with hundreds of anonymous others who are now in our bed, in his head? Our bed is crowded with countless faceless strangers, where once we were intimate.”13

Relationships are not only threatened by competing online images. Many become threatened by real life affairs inspired by online experimentation. Dan Garrett, a private investigator in South Carolina has seen a spike in cases related to online affairs. A lot of Garrett’s cases involve couples who have been married for 15 years or more. “They get bored and complacent,” Garrett says. “They get a computer. They start playing solitaire and then go to chat rooms. The next thing you know, they’re meeting someone at the Red Roof Inn.”14

It’s easy to become attracted to a would-be Internet lover. The person on the screen seems to have only good qualities. The Internet provides a disguise much like those used at a masquerade ball—inflaming curiosity and fantasies that often push men and women to leave their “real world” relationships behind.

A lesson for families
In addition to compromising your relationships with the opposite sex, pornography can have a dramatic effect on your children. Most men confess their first introduction to pornography resulted from finding a stash of magazines belonging to either their father or a friend. This early exposure set many men on a path toward sexual addiction. Furthermore, children are very perceptive. Sons seek to imitate the actions of their primary role model and often view women through the same lens their fathers do. Daughters, on the other hand, look for their sense of self worth in their father’s love and often find instead a sense that women are valued only for their body.

Dr. Jennifer Schneider, the assistant editor of the journal Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity says that children are often victimized by Internet sex. She explains that children stumble on the pornographic material left on or near the computer or walk in on a parent masturbating at the computer.15

One man confessed that his addiction to pornography nearly destroyed his wife and daughter. Both women suffered from eating disorders and had suicidal tendencies because of his rejection. Every afternoon as he returned from work he feared finding his wife on the floor with her wrists slit, because of her feelings of inadequacy. Years later they went through counseling and his daughter shared her struggles. Tearfully she explained her feelings of inferiority. She saw how her father totally rejected her mom, a beautiful woman, and feared never finding a man who would love her and tell her she was beautiful. The two women this man loved the most suffered greatly because their husband and father rejected them to fulfill his lust for sex.

The New York Times recently reported that children also suffer from watching their parents fight over Internet sex—especially if the fight leads to divorce. The article goes on to say, “even if the marriage survives, children may lack adequate parental attention when one parent is preoccupied with sex on the computer and the other is preoccupied with the cybersex addict.” Getting along with the opposite sex is often difficult and sometimes downright exasperating. The effort that goes into maintaining a vibrant and mutually fulfilling sexual relationship sometimes feels like work when sex is supposed to be fun, right? That’s when pornography can begin to seem more interesting. But no matter how alluring or inviting the scenario, it’s a poor substitute for the real thing. And frankly, it’s a cop-out from building a meaningful relationship with a real person.