Vitsi vauvanteosta =)

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, ' Well, I' m off now. The man should be here soon.'



Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer

happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. ' Good morning, Ma' am' , he said, ' I' ve come to...'



' Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, ' I' ve been expecting you.'



' Have you really?' said the photographer. ' Well, that' s good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'



' Well that' s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat' .



After a moment she asked, blushing, ' Well, where do we start?'



' Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'



' Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn' t work out for Harry and me!'



' Well, Ma' am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I' m sure you' ll be pleased with the results.'



' My, that' s a lot!' , gasped Mrs. Smith.



' Ma' am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I' d love to be In and out in five minutes, but I' m sure you' d be disappointed with that.'



' Don' t I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.



The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. ' This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.



' Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.



' And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'



' She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.



' Yes, I' m afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'



' Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.



' Yes' , the photographer replied. ' And for more than three hours, too.

The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.

Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'



Mrs. Smith leaned forward. ' Do you mean they actually chewed on your,uh...equipment ?'



' It' s true, Ma' am, yes.. Well, if you' re ready, I' ll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'



' Tripod?'



' Oh yes, Ma' am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It' s much too big to be held in the hand very long.'



Mrs. Smith fainted.