Ajatuksia seksistä

Redditistä::
 

With my ex: After the relationship became settled in and the initial excitement calmed down, the dynamic of our sex life became pretty boring. If we went without sex for a while, she would complain she felt ugly. Notice: Ugly, not sexually frustrated. Gone were the days of being adventurous and spontaneous. When we did have sex, she preferred it when I was quick: if I took too long to orgasm she again felt ugly. She often wanted sex but basically never wanted to give me blowjobs and I got tired if asking, and often she rejected me when I wanted to give her oral too, despite me liking it and her often orgasming from it. It was pretty obvious she didn't really value touching me and didn't even care about her own pleasure that much, what she really wanted from our sex was the affirmation that she was desirable. I wonder if we would have been a dead bedrooms couple if she just had a higher self esteem and didn't need me to fuck her to feel attractive.

Fair enough, you could say she was just one low libido woman. But I had high libido FwBs too. They wanted sex often and valued their own pleasure. This must mean they were into men, right? Not convinced. They may have liked the physical sensations during sex, but again it's not like my body was interesting to them beyond what I could do to them. Blowjobs were something they did to please me, not something they did because they simply liked touching me. They would send me nudes but rarely request any from me. They might compliment my body in a performative fashion but I could never sense any actual lust for it. If I would fail to make them orgasm, they could get frustrated and feel like the sex was a waste. In contrast, I actually very rarely orgasmed myself, but that never bothered me because getting to touch a woman was intrinsically rewarding to me.

What this leads me to believe is I don't think there's really a difference between a high libido and a low libido woman in their desire for men. Neither really like men, high libido women just have a bigger scratch to itch. Purely a physical sensation without desire.

Then I would read about gay men's experiences online. That they actually love giving blowjobs and touching men and don't really mind jacking off to finish themselves if they didn't orgasm otherwise. I was like "yep, those guys actually desire men, women are nothing like that".